If I Could Just See You Tonight
by RacRules
Summary: Oneshot. Years after the events of Spirited Away, a teenaged Chihiro longs for her river spirit first love. Songfic of Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles"


This piece was, of course, inspired by "A Thousand Miles," which I believe is probably exactly how Chihiro feels years after she left the spa.

Also, I'm American, and know little to nothing about Japanese names and suburban life. If I screw stuff up a bit, please forgive me.

* * *

"**If I could fall**

**Into the sky  
Do you think time**

**Would pass me by  
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles  
If I could just see you  
Tonight"**

-A Thousand Miles, by Vanessa Carlton

* * *

Chihiro stared blankly ahead as she struggled through the doors of her highschool. Other students pushed and shoved past her, throwing her every which way. Her eyes, however, never left the path in front of her. The laughs and cheers of the surrounding students swirled around her like a whirlpool, she being the little trapped fish that didn't know how to escape.

A tear fought its way out as she blinked. Her hand flicked it away, but another just took its place. A sob caught in her breath, the earlier words of another girls biting at her heart.

"She's so weird, always daydreaming and doodling in her notebook." the girl had whispered to her friend as Chihiro walked past, "And she's fourteen. Has she even held hands with a boy yet?"

"Yes I have, thank you very much." Chihiro had mumbled to herself, letting her brown hair fall into her face. The truth was, she tried to find a boyfriend, she really did. But whenever she looked into the eyes of a boy, she couldn't help but see a certain pair of pale green eyes looking back.

"Hey Chihiro!" a friendly, bubbly voice called, her friend Eri running up to tap on her shoulder. "A few of us were going to get something to eat. Want to come with?"

"No thanks." Chihiro smiled softly, but shook her head. "I'm pretty tired."

Eri shrugged, flouncing away with her dark braids bouncing with her. Chihiro let out a sigh, continuing on her way.

Usually, she would have said yes. She loved having a little after-school snack with her best friends. But there were some days, like today, where a certain pang of emotion shot through her chest. She couldn't really place it—Desire? Longing? Loneliness? But it was there, eating away at her, and on those days all she wanted was to look off to the sky, hold out her arms and pretend she could fly.

Cars zoomed past her, adding to her churning whirlpool. Chihiro bounded up the front steps of her house, the wood creaking beneath her feet. She unintentionally slammed the door behind her.

"Don't slam that door!" her mother called, walking down the halls to meet her daughter.

"Sorry, mom." Chihiro replied, dropping her school bag on the floor.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" a warm hand reached forward to lift her chin, wiping her glistening eyes.

"Nothing." she whispered, her voice barely more than a breath.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Is there something wrong in school? Grades? Teachers? Social issues? A boy?"

Chihiro opened her mouth, but paused. Her mother's words rang through her ears.

"…_A boy?"_

Yes, it was a boy, Chihiro realized. But despite her mother's insistence, she couldn't talk to her about this at all. What was she supposed to say, that she missed her childhood love, a river spirit she probably will never see again?

There was a time that Chihiro was certain she would. But after all these years, she wasn't so sure.

"It's nothing, mom." she passed her mother without another word.

She entered the sanctuary of her room. Actually, it wasn't really her room she adored so much. On the far wall, a pair of glass doors opened up to a wooden balcony overlooking the crowded houses, rainbow of painted roofs stretching on from the east to the west. Farther out, the houses dispersed into a thick, leafy forest, a sea of green hiding countless secrets.

Finally, the whirlpool stopped spinning. The sounds died down, muffled by her daydreams. Breezes kissed her face as they blew past. Chihiro was her ten-year-old self, naïve and innocent, getting by on her wits and courage.

The sun was just dropping beneath the treetops, painting the sky a mixture of oranges and roses as Chihiro's mother called her down for dinner. She reluctantly left her balcony and followed the chorus of scents downstairs.

After dinner, Chihiro left the house to walk the streets alone. The residential houses were occasionally interrupted by a small shop, her favorite kind. The sun was almost completely down now, the sky a brilliant twilight blue.

"Hey Chichi!" There was only one person who called her that nickname. She turned with a smile to see the bookstore owner, Mrs. Suzuki, waving at her through an open window. Her yellow, coffee stained dress wrinkled against the window, her silver hair falling out of its bun.

"Hello."Chihiro called back.

"I got a new supply of just-published fantasies here for you." Mrs. Suzuki wiped her hands on a handkerchief, a huge grin plastered on her face.

"No thanks."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Chihiro turned to go, but Mrs. Suzuki spoke up again.

"I've been thinking about that story you told me," she said, her tone lower and serious, "About the little girl who fell in love with a river spirit, but they were forced to part ways."

Chihiro breathed deeply, not walking on but not facing her friend.

"It sounded so passionate, so intimate, when you told it to me," Chihiro could hear the old woman approaching her from behind. "Chichi, is there something you want to tell me about?"

Chihiro was silent. Deep down, the girl…well, she wished she could tell _someone, _just _someone, _about her troubles. If there was anyone who would believe her, it was Mrs. Suzuki.

"Dear?"

"No." she finally answered, her voice soft. Before the bookstore owner could say anything more, Chihiro was on her way home.

When she returned to her room, the sun was gone, replaced by stars peppering the night sky. A sigh brushed her lips as Chihiro gazed up at them. Her heart tugged at the thought of melting into them, letting her cares slip away down to the Earth. Suddenly, she was falling through the air, winds whipping at her face and eyes dripping with tears. Her hands fought to meet his, their noses touching in a childish almost-kiss.

Time.

She was no longer ten-years-old, that was for sure.

But after four years, she lay awake at night, wondering if she crossed his mind too. Did he stare out into the distance, wondering if he'd ever see her again?

The thing was, Chihiro knew how old he actually was. He was a river spirit. Was she just a moment in his life that ended almost as soon as it began?

There were certain days these precious memories flooded back to her. When the harsh whispers in the hallway and snickers as a teacher snapped her out of her fantasy world got the best of her, when she was caught in that drowning ocean, when she didn't know who she was or who to talk to, her mind wandered to his warm smile, and the gaping hole in her heart reopened. The sugary sweetness of her first (and only) love filled the crystal clear night she felt so small in.

Second by second, Chihiro lifted her arms, letting the breeze engulf them. Her eyelids shut. Hair flicked about, tickling her face as her lips widened into a grin.

She flew.

The world was silent. She soared through the air, her feet stretched out below her, the tiny houses shrinking into the distance. Her skirt fluttered in the wind. A laugh bubbled up out of her mouth, ringing through the night, her body twirling in the clouds. She, aged ten, was flying back to him, to his smile, to his pale green eyes, to her black-and-white memories she longed for ever so dearly.

"Chihiro?"

Jumping slightly, Chihiro crash landed back to Earth. She threw down her arms and opened her eyes, spinning around to meet her mother standing in the door. She was fourteen once more.

"It's time for bed, sweetie," she said, "Get in your nightgown."

"Mom…"

"Now."

Chihiro groaned, digging through her drawers and finding her thin white nightdress. She threw it on, grumbling the entire time as she flopped onto her bed and yanked on the covers. The sliver of light invading from the open door disappeared.

There wasn't a sound for what seemed like hours.

Pearly moonlight cascaded over her bed from the open doors from her balcony, the translucent curtains blowing like a pair of haunting ghosts.

Chihiro's bare feet lightly hit the cold wooden floor as she tip-toed over to the night sky. She bended over, resting her elbows on the railing.

"What I wouldn't give just to see you tonight." she told him, staring up to the stars.

And so she stood there, dreaming away.


End file.
